I was having a text exchange with someone this week about flaking out, and I thought I would take a deeper dive into the epidemiology. According to my Oxford Concise Dictionary (1983), (yes, I pulled it off the shelf) there is no definition for the word “flake” to describe the parameters it is used colloquially; so I went to my Oxford Dictionary of the Word Histories (2002) “[Middle English] Flaky, based on flake is recorded from the later 16th century, in the 1960s it started to be used as a slang term in the US meaning ‘odd, eccentric’ (perhaps from a notion of ‘not holding together’ psychologically).”
This took me into a deep dive through the research that is afforded to me about the realm of what it means to be flaky and the comprehension of self-awareness that arises from it. Otte (2025) offers an understanding of living in a world where communication occurs consistently, which is a catalyst for individuals not wanting to spend their extra time outside of work socialising. The article further goes on to explain that individuals don’t think about flaking out with the optics of disappointing those around them. My opinion differs significantly as there are individuals that I contend with who genuinely feel bad and take it to heart; because, they do not want to let anyone down. Asatryan (2015) expresses that being flaky can be a direct result of depression or anxiety. The perception of being flaky is one that could lead to certain hazards within someone’s life.
In my experience, cancelling or deferring plans at the last minute doesn’t define a human being; there is something to be said about individuals being angry or annoyed when someone cancels something. The immediate response is “they do not care”; “they do not want to spend time with me”; “I am not worthy of anyone’s time”. The reality is that it does not matter because it is not your life, unless you are working on a multimillion-dollar deal; if money is not being exchanged, the reality is that most things in life can wait. It could also be debated that contemporary culture has normalised disengagement under the language of self-care and emotional preservation. I understand that protecting mental health is quite important; there remains a societal responsibility attached to commitment and reliability. Absent responsibility, relationships risk a trajectory of being despondent and simply a convenience over reciprocity.
Flakiness should never be conceptualised in a manner that prompts judgment; it should be something that brings forth awareness. I can say without a shadow of a doubt, there are a plethora of highly sensitive individuals that I have worked with, who feel horrible when they even have to delay plans by 25 minutes; me included. We all want to be thought of as reliable human beings, capable of rising to whatever challenges we face, and not a narrative of “here we go again.”
References
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jan/07/flaking-out-of-social-plans
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